YOU DO YOU & KEEP US POSTED
Image: Snoop Dogg, 1996
One of the biggest ways we veer off course from our visions is seeking external validation. We know, we know - you already know that. But sometimes how we seek it is more subtle than we’re used to: asking for other people's opinions.
You see, there's a fine line between asking advice and asking opinion.
Asking advice is when we don't know something and we want to learn - there are people who know more about some topic or some experience and they simply want to share to help us.
Opinions are a whole different ballgame.
Opinions are when we’re looking for someone to validate what we already know but are too afraid to admit to ourselves. So we ask everyone around us until we get the answer we’re looking for. It’s one of the biggest ways we give our personal power away.
In his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill says: “Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon to anyone who will accept them. If you are influenced by the opinions of others, you will have no desires of your own. Keep your own counsel by reaching your own decisions and following them.”
Florence Scovel Shinn teaches us that our visions are always flashing before our eyes showing us what is possible - it's up to us to follow it.
One person’s opinion could instill enough fear in us that we drop our dreams and leave them on the side to be forever forgotten. The potency of our visions comes out in full force when we’re able to quiet the noise around us so we can actually decipher what it is WE want, not what we think we should want and certainly not what others tell us to want.
And when we push through the external noise, that's when we can take ownership of our wins, losses, and sense of perseverance—which reminds us of this incredible Snoop Dogg video that we always find ourselves returning to for inspiration, where he thanks HIMSELF for putting in the work.
In this newsletter, we share an excerpt from Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, where he reminds us why being incredibly discerning about who we ask advice from can help us tap into our inner wisdom. Then, Bob Proctor shares inspiring words on accessing our personal well of knowledge and beliefs, and why it matters to not just do things “how it’s always been done.”
When we use these tools, we can begin to distance ourselves from that external-validating side that we alllllll experience and coax out the part of ourselves that KNOWS what the next move is. It reminds us of one of our favorite Benshen-isms: you do you and keep us posted.
Because, as Queen Carla Harris says, no one can be you like you can be you.
Image: Berndt Friberg holding his handmade vessels. Sweden, 1960.
“MAKE SURE YOUR OPINIONS
ARE YOUR OWN”
From Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill, 1937
“Generally, the majority of people who fail to accumulate [prosperity] sufficient for their needs are also easily influenced by the opinions of others. They permit newspapers and their gossiping neighbors to do their thinking for them, not realizing that opinions are the cheapest commodities on Earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon to anyone who will accept them. If you are influenced by the opinions of others, you will have no desires of your own. Keep your own counsel by reaching your own decisions and following them. Take no one into your confidence, except the members of your ‘Master Mind’ group and be very sure in your selection of this group that you choose only those who will be in complete sympathy and harmony with your purpose…You have a brain and mind of your own. Use it, and reach your own decisions. If you need facts and information from other people to enable you to reach decisions, as you probably will in many instances, acquire these facts or secure the information you need quietly, without disclosing your purpose.”
THE NINE SECOND JOURNAL
How to trust our intuition is one of the most popular questions we get here over at Benshen.co. Our intuition is ALWAYS talking to us, pulling us in different directions: towards our dreams, away from challenges, in the opposite direction of things + experiences that will waste our time and energy.
The challenge is actually LISTENING and following the hints of our intuition, which is a consistent practice and one we must learn to do without seeking opinions from others.
Remember, there’s a difference between asking advice when we want to learn something new and an opinion which is where we are looking for someone outside of us to validate what we already know.
Seeking opinions or validation can become a habit: we ask whether we should give that flaky someone another chance on a date who claims they’re a “bad texter” or if we should finally leave the job we’ve been unhappy at for YEARS. The temptation to crowdsource before we hit the ground running can be HUGE.
The issue with asking everyone around what they think is how we dim our own light. We don’t let our own muscles of intuition and ingenuity get any exercise, and we don’t create space for us to trust ourselves. What would happen if we didn’t let the opinions of others infiltrate our choices?
We would operate from a place of authenticity, confidence, and project capital P POWER.
One way to practice strengthening our own inner trust is keeping a NINE SECOND JOURNAL. Our intuition acts within 9 seconds - after that is our subconscious stories coming to the surface to stir the pot. Listen to that initial impulse of information, jot it down whether on paper or in a notes section on your phone and see where it takes you…
WHAT DID MY INTUITION TELL ME?
WHAT DID I DO?
WHAT WAS THE EXPERIENCE I HAD?
DID I GAIN ENERGY OR LEAK ENERGY?
IF THE LATTER, WHAT AM I COMMITTED TO DOING DIFFERENTLY?
Image: Akuol Diing
THE DES(SERT) SHOP IS NOW OPEN
Hi Everyone! Desirée here. We're back with another round of the Q&A sessions - This Q was perfect for this week's newsletter…
Q: HOW DO YOU STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU?
A: First of all, every single person to some degree cares about what other people think of them so don’t ever feel bad for doing so. It’s part of human nature to want to fit in, to blend and be social and loved, be accepted—the real problem is when we let other people’s opinions about us get in the way of us doing what we came here to do. Here’s a few things that have helped me move through these kinds of feels: 1. Not everyone is going to like you. Period. And that’s not your fault OR your business (as long as you’re a generally good person, not just unleashing chaos because the weather felt right…). You don’t like everyone so why should everyone like you! You can literally be the most amazing version of yourself and people will not only not like you but they will also try to bring you down out of jealousy—again, not your business. Just keep moving. 2. Ev-ery-one has opinions. They are the cheapest commodity on the planet. Be careful who you seek opinions from, again, as most of them don’t have to do with you 3. When we seek advice from others, we’re really seeking for someone to validate us and what we want. But if you take it back to No.2 then we realize that everyone has opinions about everything and most of them have nothing to do with us so cut out the middle person and find ways to validate YOU. The most confident people on the planet are the ones who check in with themselves first, put passion and purpose on the table so they know where they’re going in life and the rest is just all smoke and mirrors. There is a time and a place when it’s important what others think of us—like when we want to show up big at work, for example. With integrity and commitment to being and doing our absolute best, that is all we can do and that’s enough. The rest will all follow as it should. Don’t be watered down—use that water to grow all the unique parts that outshine everything else.
Image: Waclaw Nowak, 1968
“WE SHOULD STAND OUT, NOT FOR THE SAKE OF BEING DIFFERENT BUT BECAUSE WE ARE DIFFERENT, AND WE THINK DIFFERENT THOUGHTS. AND IF WE BUILD IMAGES IN OUR MIND OF WHAT WE’D LIKE TO DO, WE CAN SET OUT TO DO IT…
WHEN AN IDEA COMES INTO YOUR MIND, WHETHER SOMEBODY ELSE TELLS YOU OR YOU READ ABOUT IT...YOU SHOULD REASON WITH IT. ASK YOURSELF ‘WILL THAT IDEA HELP ME GET WHERE I WANT TO GO?’ IF IT WON’T, REJECT THE IDEA!”
- BOB PROCTOR