I’ve been having a lot of trouble waking up in the morning since November. I turned 28 and a lot of questions and lessons I’ve been avoiding answering + learning decided to all knock on my door at once. When people ask me how I do it all - school, teaching, consulting - I tell them I’ve mastered the art of compartmentalizing my life, but in reality, I’m just putting one foot in front of the other until the diploma is in hand. As a Scorpio I’m very passion driven. All or nothing. I need to feel in order to be propelled forward. Many times in the last few years a passion was sparked and from nothing I made something. From despair, I made a dreams reality. But what I’ve been learning is that all this time I’ve been dancing around pursuing my real gifts because I was afraid to fail. And now as I start to embrace them, a lot of the big life questions follow, for when you can create any life you want, what will you do/drop to get there?
When I finally texted Chris and asked him what I should do, and I say finally because I knew what he would say but I was hoping he would say something different.
Me: “Are my cortisol levels fucked? Is that why I can’t wake up?”
Chris: “What is your reason for waking up in the morning? What is your mission in this life?” Me: “ugh knew you were going to say that - can I take fish oil for that.”
I wanted to write about this because in this world of social media and seeing people’s lives as is now, we don’t see the back story of the ride it took to get there. Someone’s success we see now could have taken 10 years of hard fucking work that we forget about and compare ourselves to them in this moment, wondering why we’re not there yet. In a lot of conversations with friends lately, the word that keeps coming up is patience...”I wish I was more patient to allow things to unfold...To trust that everything was happening as it was supposed to rather than forcing it.” Sometimes we know the answers to the big questions of life, sometimes we don’t. And that’s human and that’s fine and I think we can all be a little more patient with our dreams. We are bringing them all the way down from the heavens, after all.