This was the absolute hardest lesson for me to learn. Years and years of not keeping my word to myself and to others taught me where all insecurities stem from, where all challenge arise from, where all adversity comes from. As Chris once told me, the quickest way to get power is to do exactly what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it - the quickest way to lose power is to not keep your word. Finally six months ago I decided enough is enough - I could see that almost every challenge I was facing in my life was because I did not keep my word, to my self and to others. I became militant, obsessive, and adamant to keep my word as I embarked on this new study in power. And very soon things began to shift. Not only did I feel more powerful but prosperity began flowing in more than ever, for the Universe wants to bring you everything but if you can’t keep your word to deliver and show up fully when it does, it blocks of more flows of prosperity. As I started to keep my word, my integrity began to shift - I began to trust and respect myself and others began to trust and respect me. As I became more empowered, I began taking less shit from people. I stopped being a doormat - in all avenues of my life. I started seeing how I was losing respect for so many others who would give their word and not follow through. Our integrity is the most valuable thing we have - it takes a long time to build and an instant to be broken. And while all this was manifesting in my life, I could see it, feel it, and understand it but last night @gurujagat explained it perfectly: “When your mercurial energy (Mercury - the planet of Communication) is aligned it’s like a stampede of horses - you are SO powerful. Because in the beginning was THE WORD.” Your word is everything. If you want to change your life, begin with your word. The power of keeping your word brightens your magnetism and wattage of the Radiant Body like you’ve never experienced before
That whole not being able to accept a compliment without spinning it into a negate? As my 19 year old sister would say, “yeah, that’s gotta go.” When’s the last time someone complimented you and you simply respond, “thank you!” So many women not only do not know how to accept and receive compliments, which directly correlates to their inability to receive + experience pleasure, but they more importantly don’t know how to compliment themselves. One of the most common conversations amongst women is each one putting themselves down, putting others down, and bitching about how bad your life is. Well how is your life going to be grand when all you do is magnify all the things going wrong? How can you begin to like yourself when all you do is talk about, to yourself and others, everything you need to fix in your life? How can you experience pleasure when you can’t even receive a compliment?
For this Rule of Radiance there are many steps involved and I *know* you can do them all. For one week I offer you to do the following, unless you like being basically miserable then skip this rule completely!
1. No self-depreciation which means absolutely no criticizing yourself, your body, or your life. No making fun of your body, how single you are, how unworthy you feel, how you can’t find the job you love. Replace it with something else. I don’t care what - you can talk about tacos for all I care. Done. Buh-Bye. No Mas.
2. No deflecting when someone gives you a compliment. Accept it. Own it. Embrace it. Don’t even compliment them back unless you TRULY mean it. I.e. when someone says, “wow I love your pants! You say, “Thanks! Aren’t they great?” Instead of “oh these, I got them on sale for one dollar at the dollar store they’re so old...” blah blah everyone around you is now bored. Own how great you look because I know that if you’ve been reading my posts or coming to my workshops you’ve been making an effort to look your best, no matter what, for YOU, right?
3. No Gossip - the moment you gossip is the moment you’ve just told the whole room your biggest insecurity. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
image via tumblr
I know. Dating can be exhausting. Can feel like searching for a job rather than a partner. Can feel like scratching your nails on chalkboard rather than that high that’s induced when the chemistry is off the charts and next thing you know it’s 2am. That, my negative Nancy’s, is because you have forgotten that you can invite in as much fun and pleasure into your life as you desire. My mom and I were talking over dinner last night how much dating has changed and she began laughing as she remembered when she and her best friends would go out, they would practice their “come hither.” Come hither?? I ask. “Yes, it’s when you confidently make eye contact with a guy of your liking, charmingly bat an eye lash, and then turn back around. It’s the come hither.” Come hither. Eye contact. Both are lost arts in the days where we hide behind our phones and wonder why we’re so lonely. Eye contact, flirting (which has very little to do with sexual intentions and everything to do with being absolutely comfortable in your body and self, sharing that vitality with anything that crosses your path) and the ability to give someone the Come Hither is what’s so missing from modern world. That’s why this week’s Rule of Radiance is to walk tall, stand confidently, and begin to practice making eye contact with people you admire, even if it makes you want to die a 1,000 deaths. Stop hiding behind only relying on dating apps and hoping to find Mr. Right on your phones in a sea of Mr. Horny’s (okay, there are some lovely men on dating apps... somewhere.) Apps are fine as long as you also practice making eye contact with the handsome neighbor, the cute guy at the coffee shop, the pretty girl eating alone. To learn the art of being open, being able to strike up a convo with anyone, anywhere will open up worlds to you you didn’t realize existed before. This week delete the apps and get out there. You have nothing to lose.
I’m friends or at least friendly with most of my ex’s girlfriends. Two of my best friends in the entire world are women who have dated the same man as I have. Note, it didn’t happen over night and these are only from relationships that ended amicably. In most cases women would look at the next person the guy dates and think, “that bitch...” and to be totally fair, this is a learned trait that society has taught us how to react based on feeding into jealous and insecurity. I don’t have room for jealousy in my life and I definitely don’t want anymore insecurities. I have trained my mind to look at everything as mirrors, emotions as my navigating tools, and have learned how to fuel my desires based upon this. For example, my last ex is now dating a very, very successful creative who travels the world often. When I first found out two years ago, my initial thoughts were, okay what do I see in her that I think I don’t have or embody: financial stability, creative success, and travels the world. There lay my springboard and I got to work, using what would be jealousy and “falling apart” over his new, fantastic girlfriend became inspiration and the fuel I needed to get my ass together. Two years later my life looks completely and radically different because of it (thank you, Z). More recently, someone I dated for a few months is now dating one of the most beautiful and badass women I have ever seen. When I found out earlier in the year, I saw a picture of her my mind went: “She’s gorgeous, of course he’s dating her, you’re no where near....” and I literally picked my head up from looking at the phone and said to myself, “oh hell no you are not going there.” It became a moment instead of going down, I asked what do I see in her that I think I don’t have? She owned her beauty, she adored her body, and she is confident AF. So I got to work, knowing that it wasn’t about her but bringing out those qualities that existed in myself. So ladies, all of these are mirrors to Being The Ovum: not being afraid of being as beautiful, confident, and successful as possible so that you can shine bright like a diamond
An insecure woman is one consumed by needs that she expects a man to fill those voids. She needs him to make her feel secure, beautiful, sexy, wanted, desirable. The problem is you cannot get that from a man - it’s fleeting. All of that power has to come from you. The Radiant Woman is one who knows how to meet all her needs. Who, even though she may have insecurities, she knows how to turn them off and step into her power (which is why we meditate - so we can practice training the mind to focus our attention elsewhere). The Radiant Woman knows what she desires and knows how to please herself in every department, from buying your own flowers to exploring sensuality by yourself in the bedroom. Neediness means that you’re not having your own needs met and expect someone else to do that for you. There’s a massive difference between needing a partner to fill a void (which pushes them away fast baby) and desiring a man because you feel so beautiful, so sensual, so secure in your own life that you just desire someone to play with. .
One client asked me, “how do I feel confident when I meet someone for the first date?” I asked her what she would wear on that date, what would she look like, smell like, act like? She explained to me in vivid detail and lit up as she drew a picture of her in all her glory. Her assignment was for the next two weeks (and hopefully way beyond) she has to dress every single day as if she’s going on that date. Because then it’s not waiting for the guy to create the platform for her to step into that beauty. It’s about stepping into it every single day so that we live out the role of that radiance and beauty we often tend to only bring out on a date. I don’t care if you’re sitting on your ass all day at home. I wake up in the morning and put on my favorite perfume, just for me, because it smells beautiful and sensual and divine. The Radiant Woman meets her own needs and god damn does a man have big shoes to fill when he meets a woman who’s cup is already overflowing
If you’ve been to my workshops or have had a session, you’re familiar with channeling from an Archetype. Thomas Moore talks about this beautifully in his book, Soul of Sex, how we are all consciously and unconsciously able to evoke the energy of whatever we desire. For example, in James Bond movies when a Bond girl emerges from the water, this is the Venus Archetype, anadyomene, the goddess rising from the sea. It’s one of the most beautiful images and feelings, being in water, walking from water, standing under waterfalls. And when we’re in water we can channel the Venus energy and draw power, Beauty, and sensuality from it. .
Moving onto Drama. Now that you have a taste of what an Archetype is, it’s crucial when shifting paradigms to have someone you draw inspiration from. What Would XYZ Do, should be the first question that arises when you feel a drama party coming on. My first Archetype was Angelina as Lara Croft. I watched the movie 6 times in a row one day just to soak up her energy. Now whenever I’m in a challenging moment, it’s What Would Lara Do? Do you think I’m going to be emotional and commotional if I can ask that first? Another Archetype is this beautiful Italian bombshell @gildaambrosio. I channel Italian women all. day. long. They’re fun, sassy, sexy, powerful, self-assured. It’s a way more exciting energy to call upon and live out than a neurotic insecure one. So first step to no drama is find your Archetype, the well to draw inspiration from, and in the moment when you feel absolutely bewitched and ready to be dramatic (remember we’re mostly talking about in dating here but this applies to anything), draw from your Archetype (also your Archetype is actually you, who you really are beneath the surface, which is why you’re inspired when you see it in others... more on that later). -Close your eyes and shift your energy. No man can deal with drama. No woman truly desires to be dramatic. No prosperity can come through when you leak power through drama. So many pathways open when you stay in your power
It came to me after months of learning the secrets of dating, the womanly arts of seduction, and emotional mastery from the Women’s teachings that there are quite a number of rules in play. If we look at those rules as a “should do because someone said so”, it can make us feel weak + insecure. However, if we can engage with the rules knowing they are actually designed to increase immense personal power, it’s a whole knew ballgame. So I’ve created a Rolodex of Rules of Radiance, the actions or inactions that allow a woman to both build immense power and make her more radiant / magnetic. The first + more important, as it truly goes against a woman’s nature, is NO DRAMA. This is your new mantra. Save the drama for your mama. In the realms of dating, a man can not tolerate drama or insecurities. Literally his nervous system cannot understand these energies and they fall apart. You’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. And you, my beauties, know that you have 9 seconds of intuition (after 9 seconds emotions kick in) to decide if you’re going to be dramatic or hold yourself in absolute grace. If you go downhill after 9 seconds, you know how strong you are...you can destroy EVERYTHING in an instance (be it a relationship, career, friendship, etc). In the Art of the Radiant Woman, the first thing we learn is how to navigate life with GRACE. It is NOT easy at first - it’s taken me a year of trial and error, of learning how to move that strong energy when it rises up (why do you think I started working out so much the last few months...). It’s been comical to watch how men will test a woman to see if I will become dramatic (they will do this) and when they see me filing my nails in boredom at their games while other women fall apart (and then wave my pretty nails Buh-BYE Felicia), they have no idea what to do. But what *I’m* doing is holding + cultivating power, for that power, when held and not leaked through drama, makes a woman more magnetic, which means more opportunities come to her. In dating, in career, in finances, in experiences... in EVERY realm, she becomes infinitely powerful and absolutely radiant.