HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH RESISTANCE?

I’ve actually been a student at the prestigious *école de résistance* for many years. I’m obsessed with the subject and am not the only one. Because resistance is one of the most complex human experiences when it comes to the business of our goals + dreams, many have tried to understand why it happens and how to overcome it. Resistance shows up in many shapes, forms, and flavors. It can be fatigue, heaviness, and a plain old I don’t wanna do it. In this case, when resistance creeps up in that form, I give myself one week. I say, “okay, I’m feeling this resistance, I’m not going to make a scene of it.” I think if we talk about it to everyone and their cousins, we just feed it. I give myself a week to feel the resistance and approach it with curiosity - is this resistance because I’m having an upgrade and it feels like a lot OR is this resistance because I’m really not supposed to be doing this thing OR (!!!) is this resistance due to fear that I can’t have what I want. That’s why I give it one week (sometimes longer) to really tap into which side of the coin the resistance is on. And then another form of resistance, which is didn’t even realize was an entity of resistance until I listened to Steven Pressfield’s talk with @marieforleo: self-doubt is a massive form of resistance. He even wrote a whole book on it called Turning Pro, where he discusses the difference between a professional and an amateur (in the scheme of life). The professional is someone who doesn’t get burdened by doubts and fears, they know how to navigate them when they arise and deal with them quickly and efficiently. The amateur rolls around in them for hours, days, weeks, years. The resistance, in the form of self-doubt- can sound like, “Who do you think you are? No one will like your work. You’ll never succeed. Why even bother?” When I learned that this was all just another form of resistance, I began to become more *professional* in the face of resistance because as Steve says, “Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”

ANY TIPS FOR HOW TO KEEP GOING WHEN YOU WANT TO GIVE UP?

One of the biggest misconceptions that has become a sort of new propaganda is that when you figure out what you want to do in life it’s easy - if it’s not easy, then it’s not “your dream.” Even business legend @sethgodin talks this new wave of entrepreneurs that are so focused on finding THE thing vs figuring out how they want to feel every single day - the former causes us to miss many opportunities that may come to us that look slightly different than we imagined, but still gives us the opportunity to feel how we want to feel. For example, I love public speaking. While I’m not giving Ted Talks (yet...), teaching is one way I get to fulfill my love of speaking publicly. Imagine if I said I’m ONLY going to give Ted Talks because that’s the dream... I’d miss so many other opportunities, like weekly classes, traveling to give talks, teaching/speaking for companies Iike @linkedin@goop@refinery29. You get the picture. I talk about all of this because imagine if my goal was JUST the Ted Talk, for example, and I gave up when the offer that comes to my inbox is LinkedIn, not Ted. I don’t give up, I keep going. It might take me 5-10 years to get a TedTalk but in the back of my mind I keep my eyes on the prize. @ciara for example, just put out a new album with mind-blowing videos she also directed. How many years has she been in the game? Do you think it’s easy for her? She keeps showing up for her dreams even when the going gets rough - even one video from her IG shows that during rehearsal for Dose her daughter didn’t want to sleep so she held her in her HANDS while rehearsing all night long. That is the epitome of keeping up. Her lyrics to level up even say it all: “I turned nothing to something, my comeback on 100
Less talking, more action, you just gon' see Ci coming
I just keep elevating, no losses, just upgrading
My lessons, made blessings, I turned that into money
Thank God I never settled, this view is so much better.” Most often, what we want is just on the other side of the moment we almost give up but don’t.

I FEEL TOTALLY LOST, DIRECTION-WISE. ANY TIPS TO GET CLEAR + INSPIRED?

When I was working one-on-one with clients, this was probably the most common question: I’m not happy with where I am, but I have no idea what I want or where I want to go. You’re NOT alone. Even the most successful people feel this way from time to time. But what I do think is epidemically the problem is social media and the comparison we do consciously and unconsciously all day long. The first thing I suggest when you’re feeling confused is to get off IG for a week. Stop looking at how other people live their life and figure out how you want to live yours. Take that time to get clear and get inspired. As Esther Hicks once said, “Passion is Momentum.” So in order to get clear and inspired you’ve got to get on your *own* momentum of what lights you up without the interference of how other people are doing it. Comparison is the death of creativity and it robs us of our Radiance. We forget how cool we actually are, how smart we are, intelligent, beautiful, handsome, creative, interesting, dynamic, worthy. I remember one time I took a break from social media for a while when I was having a particularly low moment feeling like I wasn’t enough and I literally would put on my power outfits and walk around town all day long reminding myself all the incredible things I’ve accomplished and things I loved about myself: “you were published at 18, you’re a great natural writer, you’re funny (so she thinks...), you’re compassionate, you’re a Beauty Editor for an incredible brand, you help women all over the world, and hunny you’ve got a booty to live for.” I can’t even tell you how much more powerful and confident I became from that - Yogi Bhajan talks about this as we have to learn the art of Self-Reminder. Hypnotically remind yourself of your greatness instead of your insecurities. And from that space we can become more clear and inspired about what lights us up. In combination with all that, I highly recommend Desire Map by @daniellelaporte - it’s a must for everyone.

How to hold on to the last piece of optimism when you’ve been rejected so many times from a job?

First of all, let’s start by reframing rejection. One of my favorite mantras, if you will, is REJECTION IS PROTECTION.

Now say it with me.

REJECTION IS PROTECTION.

Got it?

We often use rejection as a way to victimize ourselves. And hunny, I know, it does NOT feel good to be rejected - be it financially, romantically, or in any shape or form. But if you’re like me and you start to develop an investigative eye, you start to look for the signs that show you it just wasn’t mean to be. The way I like to put it is that you never know what is on the other side of that rejection - maybe they wouldn’t pay you as much as you wanted, maybe the boss is a NIGHTMARE (the horror!!), maybe the commute would be terrible, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe…

And also..maybe, just maybe, it’s not REALLY the job you actually want but the job you think you should have. So if you keep experiencing “rejection” or an obstacle in the way of getting what you want, it’s time to have a little think. Is this what I REALLY want? Am I being honest about my desires? Am I in tune with my dreams? Sometimes when we go back and look at it from that perspective, you might learn that you weren’t being honest about asking for what you really want and the Universe had it’s own funny way of making sure you got real honest with yourself.

But most importantly, we have to really learn that rejection is just part of life. Not only is it part of life but it will happen to you over and over and over again. You can’t learn to ride a bike without falling down a million times first. Imagine if you sat on that bike the fell the first time you gave it a go, sobbing and wailing hysterically, “MOOOOOMMMM, THE BIKE REJECTED ME!!!” and never got on again. You didn’t do that! You got on again, and again, and again, and maybe days, or weeks, or even MONTHS later, you were finally flying solo with the sweet, sweet breeze sweeping through your hair.

I can’t remember where I read this, I believe it was in Lewis Howes book The School of Greatness, but one guy who is now a millionaire / big business honcho, when he first had his dream and idea of what he wanted to pursue, he went to the bank to ask for a loan. The first bank rejected him. Then the second. Then the third. And the fourth, fifth, sixth.

How many of you would have given up after the 1st bank? Exactly.

He went to THIRTY BANKS. And then finally, the 31st bank said, we love your idea, you’ve got a deal. And now he’s one of the most successful people around town.

So sometimes you’ve just got to muscle out the rejection and keep going. It’s almost like the Universe is testing you to see how much you want something, how much you will fight for it, how far will you go for your dreams. Imagine the feeling of finally getting the thing after so much resistance. It’s one of the most rewarding experiences on the planet to be able to say I had an idea, and a dream, and it was hard as f*ck but I did it.