I’m a very, very impatient person. I’m the kind of person who will wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, see puffy eyes and broken out skin, do my meditations, and then run to the mirror expecting everything to be totally and magically g.o.n.e in 60 minutes. And when I have looked in that mirror to see that not much has changed, except my cheeks are slightly rosier from the challenging Kriya, I have felt defeated more times than beautiful.
So I’m an impatient person, a product of an impatient society, on a mission to feel truly beautiful when said society has given me many reasons to believe I am not. And I have worked with women, students, and clients across the board who struggle with feeling beautiful, many of those being some of the most beautiful and successful women in New York City (and beyond), with not an apparent flaw in sight. I often sat there wondering, “how could they think they’re also not beautiful when they don’t have flaws (so I thought) and I sat there thinking I wasn’t beautiful, with actual flaws (so I believed), blemishes and bags under my eyes that seemed to have a life of their own.
2017 was a big year for me in learning about the many layers and levels of what is beauty, why do some women feel beautiful and some don’t, and how to feel more beautiful.
In January, I began dressing up again. I started wearing black and navy and greys, red lips and my hair down. I started putting effort into getting dressed after six years of mostly yoga clothes and looking like a granola bar. I was fascinated with Jeanne Damas effortless French beauty and would make an effort to leave the house always dressed in a way that if I ran into my crush (if I had one at the time) or someone I looked up to in my industry, I would feel confident, strong, and beautiful enough to want to be seen.
In February I went to a menswear show at the Rose Bar where Saint Jhn performed and blew me away. It was the first time I had seen a rap performance since 2009 and the first time I had really listened to rap music in about two years. I began listening to rap again: Migos, Saint Jhn, Future, Kodak Black, Post Malone, Young Thug, Travis Scott, Cardi B. And then Kendrick Lamar dropped DAMN.. I started listening to this music while walking down the streets of New York, feel absolutey invincible, after many years of walking down the streets feeling very small. I started listening to their songs while working out at the gym and game was over: I never felt more confident, more powerful, and more sexy than at the gym, listening to something like HUMBLE or Memo, drenched in sweat from a very hard workout, no makeup, hair in a messy knot.
And as the year went on, combining all of this with Kundalini Yoga and Meditation, I began to realize that beauty is a feeling. It’s a feeling that we as women have to cultivate, refine, and continue to polish. And the way we get to that feeling looks very, very different to each person.
I want to put that in bold.
The way we get to that feeling looks very, very different to each person.
For some people it’s going to yoga classes and sipping matcha lattes at the Butcher’s Daughter in Lululemon. For others, it’s wearing red lipstick, moving to Paris, going dancing, and sitting at the cafe’s with friends, having a smoke with friends while laughing the night away.
So in a sense I can’t really tell you how to feel beautiful because it looks so different to everyone and I want people to explore that more, what really lights them up, not what they think they should be doing to feel a certain way.
But what I can tell you is that beauty is a feeling.
Everything we do, from diet to yoga class to self-help books to workshops, is our attempt to get to that feeling. So what if we could bypass everything that takes time and space and energy, and use our meditation practice to cut through all of that and channel how we want to feel? Here’s a simple meditation below that has helped me many times in feeling more beautiful when I need it the most.
- Find a comfortable seat.
- Close your eyes and begin breathing long and deep.
- No matter where you are now, visualize yourself in the absolute highest, brightest, most radiant, confident, sexy, powerful version of you.
- See it clearly. What does it look like? What are you wearing? What are you doing?
- Most importantly, how does it feel?
- Hold onto that image and begin to expand it, allow it get become clearer and clearer, and the feeling of being absolutely beautiful become stronger and stronger.
- The longer you can hold onto that image and feeling, the more it begins to imprint in your subconscious, which will they start to get to work to turn that exact experience into a reality.
- When you’re ready, begin to open your eyes and come back to the room.
This very simple meditation / visualization is most powerful when done before bed as that’s right before you go to sleep and into the realm of the subconscious mind, meaning you will have the whole night to expand on that feeling of beauty, power, and radiance. To amplify it’s effect, I suggest playing the mantra Eka Mai by White Sun during your meditation and while you sleep at night to activate your power as a woman to create the reality you want to experience: a radiant one.