It’s been a while since I’ve met someone in person. I’ve mostly relied on dating apps to meet and mingle and navigate the world of dating in New York City in 2018. I’ve tried them all, from Bumble to Raya. Sometimes, it’s exciting, enticing, the uncertainty of who you might meet and what connections you might develop. Other times it’s royally exhausting trying to deal with the dudes who front and play it cool, only to disappear and never to be heard from again, which is the worst! And to be fair, this is also true for the men as my guy friends tell me often how they were super excited to meet a girl and she totally ghosts, or even worse which I am hearing is really common for the guys, is girls are standing them up.
The online thing has it’s pros and cons. The former being that it can widen your horizon of who you get to meet especially if you work a lot and don’t venture much outside of your bubble. The latter being that it’s very, very easy to create a story in your head about someone before you’ve even met them, putting them on a massive pedestal before you’ve even said two words to each other.
In the past I have found myself getting super excited to meet someone. They’re cute, they seem like a good fit, they have great style, a successful career…sign me UP. And then, for some reason, it’s just not happening. You know what I mean. They don’t really make the effort to make a date, but just like to be chatty. Or the timing is just not working out and it’s nearly impossible for the two of us to even meet for the first time, which is very frustrating because of the massive story that’s been playing out inside of that big head of mine about how *amazing* this person is.
Let me give you a piece of advice from the trenches of single life: let. it. go. I promise you, this person is not the one, not even close. Over the past few years, I’ve definitely tried to make it work even when all the signs were point to no: either I had a gut feeling it wasn’t going to be good but decided to ignore, they weren’t being men and taking initiative leaving me to do the dirty work (never again), or whatever the other situation was that was all signs pointing to capital NO. And every single time I met with them anyways, I have literally wanted to put my head in a toilet bowl and slam the lid. Multiple times.
The last time this happened I had a gut feeling that I didn’t want to go. But I thought I need to put myself out there and, well, he’s kind of cute in that serial killer vibe that Jesse Eisenberg gives as Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman. I get to the date and before he even sees me, I get clear view of him and immediately begin wondering what is an acceptable excuse to spin around, walk out, catch a cab, and delete his number forever.
But of course I would never do that because Karma (I have never been stood up, thank you very much) and so I walk over, sit down, and say, “Hi!” He turns to me and says, “Hi! It’s great to meet you.” As the words came out of his mouth, I almost fell off my chair and passed out as his breath smelled like cheese that had been sitting out in the desert sun for well over a month. On top of that, he was extremely belittling and rude. The date lasted all of 13 minutes.
That was the last straw. Ever.
When something isn’t working out, I now thank the Universe for saving my time and energy. For saving my ass and preventing from meeting a total dingleberry. It can be super frustrating because of the excitement of who this person is or might be, but I promise you, from much trial and error, that usually they are nothing like the idea you have in your head about them. When it’s right, there’s a sense of calm and ease and things progress in a way that feel effortless.
And the most important thing is to maintain dignity if they are acting like total fools. If they say they’ll reach out to make plans and don’t, try not to say anything. This one is so hard for me because I’m a Russian Scorpio and OMG I love nothing more than to stir the drama pot. But this dignity is not for them, not saying anything is not for them. It’s for us as women to maintain a magnetic field of “if you’re not making an effort, you’re not worth my time, and I could care less”, which is much sexier than. If you do say something, say very little, with the least amount of drama, and then drop it forever and ever.
Dignity over dingleberries, ladies. They’re not worth it and someone much, much better is always just around the corner.