On Saturday, I turned 27 and it’s a number that didn’t quite settle well the few days prior to my birthday. The same subconscious thought kept surfacing for air: “You’re going to be 27 and you’re still going through the same shit since you turned 22.” I started noticing I was getting insecure and stressed out the days leading up to my birthday and those insecurities began to trigger neurotic behaviors, which thankfully to this practice, I was able to navigate without shit (totally) hitting the fan.
Across the board, this month was challenging for everyone. Clients, friends, students were experiencing very real, very tangible turmoil on many different levels as we moved through Scorpio season, the Watery sign of emotions and transformation. It made me really take a look at the areas of my life that feel stagnant, where I don’t feel like the transformation is happening, and I realized the common denominator is fear of discomfort. This is not a new concept to me as I know that change is not always comfortable.
I realized that I had been trying to suppress this discomfort by adding in more meditations, more mantras, more practices to avoid these feelings of discomfort at any cost.
I was also avoiding them by zoning out on social media, procrastinating with work, swiping left on Bumble.
It made me realize how magnetic all these distractions are and how we have to work harder than ever to be present now because we have so many options to avoid our feelings at any cost. However, the cost of avoiding our feelings is that we never heal them.
The process of transformation, when looking at it from an alchemical perspective, in order to change metal as in alchemy it needs fire. Just as metal needs fire to change form, humans need to go through the internal alchemical fire in order to change, to transform. We need to go through those uncomfortable experiences in order to come out through the other side. And sometimes, we have to literally put ourselves in uncomfortable experiences in order to grow.
To give you a slightly comical but also very real example, ever since I started dealing with acne, my self-confidence went from high to very, very low. As I find myself semi-newly single, I am learning how to flirt again. Now this should be an easy task for a Scorpio but dear God, has flirting gotten harder in the last few years? Isn’t it just easier to hide behind our phones and computers and online date so we don’t have to put ourselves out there except in a somewhat controlled setting? Well, I realized, I had to put myself through the fire. I had to put myself in experiences where I would challenge myself to FEEL more confident, because after all, confidence is JUST a feeling. Nothing more, nothing less.
So I started the first place I knew how to as a millenial. Google. Yes, I googled articles at 27 on how to be more sexy and confident. Amongst the sea of eye-rolling suggestions, there was one that really hit me: Next time you see a hot guy, make eye contact with him and smile, even if you die a thousand deaths. Hilarious, I thought. Easy, I thought. No big deal, I thought.
The next day I was at Whole Foods in the bulk section aisle and in comes Dreamy McFucking Dreamy of Dreams. And without even knowing what I was doing, I locked eyes with him as confidently as I could, and smiled just a little, you know, the kind with the eyes that French women do. He was caught so off guard that he slowed his walk down and smiled right back at me. I thought he was going to propose - I mean I thought he was going to stop and say hello but he kept going. And I kept going, smiling, and just whispered to myself, “A Thousand and ONE deaths.”
I know this story seems silly but these are the way in which we practice. In my own practice, it’s shown me how the science of Kundalini Yoga puts us through poses that we have to hold for a while to make the nerves stronger. With stronger nerves theres more wattage that’s able to flow through the Nervous System, which is the energy that allows us to (takes a deep breath) walk through the fires of life with Grace. It’s the energy and strength we need to go through the experiences that make us feel like we’re dying a thousand deaths.
As the pressures start to build from the outside, we need some sort of practice that stimulates us from the inside so we can withstand those pressures exerted upon us. It’s how we get strong enough to not fall apart when something goes wrong, to not have nervous breakdowns, to stay firm in trust and faith when we’re being tested by the Universe.
Last night, I made a list of all the areas in which I found myself still stuck. I wrote down, very clearly where I feel stuck and what I think is holding me back from moving forward. And finally, I wrote down three small action steps I can take daily in order to move forward. Sometimes we make plans that are so big and so complex that we literally set ourselves up for failure. Yogi Bhajan, the Master of Kundalini Yoga, said he never saw anything like Western women in how they constantly set themselves up for failure. So my new motto has become “Set myself up for success with the path of the least resistance.” The next step is to find someone to help hold you accountable to your commitments. And finally, make sure you have a practice, even if it’s a very small one, that builds your nervous system strength and balances your glandular system on a daily basis.
Personally, I have found the practice of Kundalini Yoga to be the most profound practice as it does both of those. It’s given me the strength to move through challenging situations with my chin high and the intention of a warrior that no matter how messy this gets, I’m going to get through. And from that space, it’s become my passion to share these teachings and practices with you.
SKY TING YOGA | WEDNESDAYS - Kundalini Yoga + Meditation at Sky Ting Yoga Tribeca from 8-9am. Join me for the perfect hump-day practice to strengthen the nervous system, balance the glandular system, and make you absolutely radiant + magnetic.
XINALANI RETREAT in MEXICO | JANUARY - In January, I will be co-leading an amazing retreat with Kat Colla. The daily Kundalini Yoga + Meditation workshops offered during this week are meant to activate your strength to keep up with whatever life sends your way, to not collapse when the challenges arise, to have the courage to stay strong and move forward, to continuously brighten your Radiant Body so you can stay strong, courageous, and magnetic. With workshops like The Science of Keeping Up, Make the Impossible Possible, and Invoke the Wealth of the Universe will help you go beyond obstacles, overcome barriers, clear inner + outer blocks to the most profound prosperity in every realm (financially, romantically, physically, emotionally) for 2017 and beyond.
“In your limited power, you have the capacity to experience the unlimited. In your unlimited experience you have the power to bring the infinite to the limit of your experience. What else do you want? Therefore, there is no crisis you cannot cross. But crossing the crisis is the real grit which comes from your courage which you have to develop with the light of your soul and handle with the capacity of your mind and experience with the presence of your physical body.” -Yogi Bhajan
NEW MOON in SAGITTARIUS SESSIONS - ‘Beaming + Creating the Future' :: On November 29th, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius taking us out of the watery darkness of Scorpio season. Like an archer pointing an arrow at the target, in order to get where we want to be, we have to know where we want to go. Many of us know what we DON'T want, which is a good navigational tool. However, more powerful is getting honest about what we do want and dropping the fears and excuses that prevent us from moving in that direction, from hitting the bull's eye. Not a easy task as we have to navigate the pull's of the Ego which doesn't want us to change and the higher we try to go, the more powerful it tries to pull us back to our small selves. If we can get crystal clear with where we want to go, the pulls of the ego won't cause us to fall backwards but inspire us to keep moving because we know we're on the right track if we feel that tension . I have 8 spaces available for sessions where we will work with intention setting + accountability to create a plan of action, Kundalini Yoga + Meditation to clear the inner + outer blocks and beam to create the future, and a take home practice for you to keep the ball rolling. Email desireeSpais@gmail.com to reserve your spot.