028

Before I left, Chris said I needed this rock bottom. I didn't get it. I've hit rock bottom. Many times. I know rock bottom like the back of my hand. But getting two teeth out wasn't rock bottom, was it? Five days later I realize that rock bottom meant time to integrate and assess which way I wanted to go. To slow down enough to find the right inspiration again before this next chapter. I keep saying on here the last few days so many changes are happening and they are and it's been wild because most of those changes have been my own perception. It's like the world, my world, has been cracked wide open and I can see very clearly for the first time in a while and it's scary because the truth is like "Woah baby turn those shiners off". And you feel uncomfortable like a hangover but you didn't drink because you realize all the ways you were sabotaging yourself even though you thought you were doing all the "right" things. I love the wellness world. I love the yoga world. I love the mindful movement. But there's a lot of darkness in there too, how many of us, myself included, have blindly used it to make ourselves feel worse about ourselves because we didn't drink enough green juice or meditate 22x per day or don't have enough followers on Instagram. This world is really wild and changing rapidly and as the saying goes it's not so much about learning more but UNlearning all the things that keep us from actually enjoying this one short life.  

027

In any given day I could and probably will measure myself up to more people than many of you will in a life time. In New York, we're surrounded by the creme de la creme of the world :: the most beautiful, the most stylish, the most creative, the most well dressed, the most successful, the most confident, the hustlers. By the time I've made it to my morning destination, I've compared myself, consciously and unconsciously, to nearly 100 people. When I sit down on the train, if I decide to, with the click of a button I can compare myself to 2,477 more. Sometimes I forgot what I look like and sound like and feel like after being so sensorially surrounded. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the window and she looks tired and worn down and with bags under her eyes and with blemishes on her skin and before I can even begin to feel sorry for her, not in a 'poor me' way but in a 'let me love YOU way', the subway has stopped and her eyes are now someone else's peering through the window, ready to get on the train at the station. I'll remember that moment and decide oh I need to eat this and drink this green that because my hormones are this and my --- lately I don't care about that story, the wellness's world of trying to fix the undercurrent by trying to control our surroundings. No. no. What I'm more interested in is when I look this way and feel that way, now, is how am I comparing myself to everyone in a way that lives up the motto : "comparison will rob you of your radiance." And so, instead, I've been turning to the real healing :: Inspiration. Art, music, editorials, fashion. That's where the real healing is. The REAL healing that hits the heart and suddenly the world looks different, the same world we've been living in for X amount of years. Creativity is the essence of all healing, of all change, of all growth. It's messy, it's ours, no one else's, waiting to be found right there inside the hearts of all 108 billion people who have ever touched the Earth.

026

Someone asked me if I had any regrets walking away from a writing career seven years ago after I shared my story last week. In New York, life moves very fast. I've had more experiences and opportunities and successes and failures than most people have in one lifetime. Looking back now on my tenth year living here, I can smile because I can see how each dot was imperfectly perfectly connected. How everything played out exactly as it should. If I hadn't left fashion, if I hadn't gotten into yoga, if I hadn't gotten sick, if I hadn't dealt with acne, if I hadn't launched a skin care brand, if I hadn't done three teacher trainings, it I hadn't met some of the greatest living Masters, if I hadn't had the heartbreaks, if I hadn't gone to Acupuncture school, I wouldn't have the depth I have now. Life was once two dimensional and now it's three dimensional. My writing has more feeling because I have felt more. It's coming from the heart instead of my head. It's coming from experience rather than observation. It's coming from knowing basic struggles of every human : to want to be seen, heard, felt, loved, healthy, happy, and feeling safe in this wild world. In the last year especially I've had to learn to trust. My heart is my greatest compass but it's a navigational tool that might take a second or ten years to learn how to read it properly. If you betray the compass you'll get a little lost, but it's always there waiting for you to read it properly so you can get where you want to be

025

A few days ago I was thinking I have never in my life been under as much pressure as the last two years. I walked down Bedford avenue, the same street I've walked down everyday for the last five years, wondering how much of the same has become so different. As I walked and thought I realized the only reason I've felt more pressure is because of one thing and one thing only :: I've set bigger goals than I ever have in my life. I've launched a business, I spent last year living in-coastal as I decided to do a teacher training in LA, redid my apartment, beginning a career as a writer, and a few more goals I can't quite share yet. This is why I've become so passionate about the Prosperity teachings - we've been given tools to literally make anything we want to happen, to make something from nothing, to make the impossible possible. But with bigger goals comes bigger expectations and bigger pushes to become strong enough to deliver once your dreams appear in front of you. If we can take the pressure and instead of looking at it as crushing but as a force to catapult us forward, as the fuel we need to make the changes to become stronger in the pursuit of our dreams, we can start to face any challenge as an opportunity to create magic in this ordinary world

024

I moved to New York at 17 with a dream of becoming an editor at a Fashion magazine. At the time, nothing could stop me and this photo is one of my favorite memories of that. I had just left Blackbook magazine where I had my first article published that year at the baby age of 18 on the store Inven.tory, where this photo was taken. I was writing for Refinery29, when there was less than 10 people working at the company and was given the freedom, even as an intern, to write what I wanted. I was living my dream and nothing could get in my way, I remember feeling here. But soon, youth took over and I discovered the nightlife of New York City and that's all I cared about. I began to rebel against my dream in favor of seeing and being seen, the flashy allure of the glamour that is Manhattan at night. My editor pulled me aside one day and looked at me with the sternest face I had ever seen and asked me if I took myself seriously, that I had potential to be great but wasn't living up to it. Looking back I would tell my 18 year old self that she wasn't being mean, she saw greatness in you and was trying to get you back on track, to not walk away that day, to not walk away from your dream. But I did. I was young and didn't know better. Ten years later I still think about that moment, and all the moments I've walked away from myself. I think about how we all have potential inside of us that's just waiting to be expressed if we could just get out of our own way, if we could just face the challenges and didn't walk away when things got uncomfortable. A month ago I challenged myself to 100 days of writing. I knew I have a gift and I had to start doing something with it. I really wanted to challenge myself to show up for myself and I said, "maybe something will come out of it, maybe nothing will." A month in and on a dream I walked out on, 10 years later I've been offered my first paid job as a freelance writer. It showed me that it's never too late to walk back in on your dreams. In this photo however, I was actually looking at myself in the mirror and if I could go back in time I would tell myself, "Keep going, keep going, keep going."

023

(Part 2) The next time I would see Chris would be a year later and I was sick and depressed and Western Medicine couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. He would treat me every week until finally one day he came in angrier than I ever saw him and said, "I'm not treating you anymore until you work with Thomas and decide you WANT to get better." It's not even until looking back now as I write this how important that moment was. He made me so angry I decided to do something about it. How could he say that? Did he think I wanted to be sick? Did I want to feel that way? Grandmaster once told us a story of a woman in a wheelchair with Multiple Sclerosis. She felt no one loved her and was unhappy her whole life but when she became sick, suddenly everyone had to take care of her. She came to Master to be treated and he took one look at her and said, "I'm not treating you. When you decide you want to get out of that wheelchair, you know where to find me." In that moment Chris confronted all my understanding of health and disease, he hit my ego which wanted to blame everything else for me being sick and challenged the fact that I took zero responsibility for my well being. Over the years there have been many moments like this, where his proverbial iron fist will crack open everything I know about the world. But I'll never forget the time we drove home from Masters at 2am after a long weekend of studies. I was crying about god knows what and he looks over at me with a sly smile and says, "You don't believe in magic, do you?"

022

(Part 1) In 2010, I limped down 27th street after injuring my back in yoga (yep). I texted Grandmaster and asked him who should I go to fix my back? He said Chris. I thought, what the 12 year old? I met Chris a few months before on the day I realized that the man I lovingly knew as Sung was a Daoist Grandmaster. I happened to be living home in Baltimore due to a quarter-life crisis. Two years before, I met Sung at Collective Hardware, the modern day Warhol factory. To this day I don't remember who reached out to who two years later but he said, "Come for a drink at this hotel we have a Kung Fu tournament here." Cosmically of course, he was in Baltimore and the tournament was 7 minutes away from my house. My mom and I went together and he walks into the lobby in a fine suit and combat boots with his black hair pulled back into a pony tail. He had a swarm of students trailing behind him who all stood tall like Samurai's He quickly introduced me to each one, including Chris, who I remember wondering how old this guy was. My mom and I looked at each other wondering what alternate universe did we enter. That was the day that Sung became Grandmaster as I learned he was the 75th Grandmaster of the Dong Han Pa lineage. And that he was also named Sword Immortal. And that that was his Kung Fu tournament he was hosting with hundreds attending. We all sat down for a drink in the lobby with his students close by. He enjoyed a smokey tequila while he said to me, "You'll get a degree in Acupuncture and you'll study with me, these are your classmates and you will be the best acupuncturists of your generation." And then it all became a blur and I went back to New York to finish my Bachelor's at FIT and there I was limping down 27th street because I ignored Master's advice to go see Chris. About half a block in, I look up and see a man on his bike riding towards me. I squint my eyes and realize, it's Chris. And where I had happened to be standing at that moment was directly in front of his office on 27th street. Little did I know that would be the first time I met my Teacher. •• Happy Solar Return to this Saturnian Taurus who has changed my life

021

Someone recently asked me, "How do you let go of someone, especially when they have found someone else already." As a single Scorpio in New York, I loved that question as dating has shown me a handful of incredible men that ended up not working out. I mean, some of these guys were so perfect in the scheme of what I'm looking for it seemed to good to be true. So when things fell apart, obviously I didn't want to let go. But overtime, I began to see over and over that the next person was always closer to what I'm looking for. Even very recently I met someone who I thought, "wow, this is it." And then the whole thing blew up in my face like the grand finale on 4th of July. I met with a friend for lunch recently in SoHo. We had dated in the past and since I was asked this question the day before, seeing him reminded how badly I didn't want to let go because he was what I thought to be a perfect fit. And through our friendship I see how so very wrong we are romantically, that it was just an idea I was chasing in my head, but as friends, we are perfect. So letting go has become easier, as the Universe has showed me over and over again three things: 
1. Most of the time we are chasing after an idea vs experiencing what that person actually brings to the table. 
2. Trust is a muscle. We have to learn to trust that if we let go, we create a gap that the Universe must fill with something else. 
3. As my great-grandmother used to say, "Que Sera Sera", whatever will be will be. When we stop chasing and trying to control things, we can let what is actually meant to happen unfold organically, which is extremely powerful. When we can sit back, be graceful and let everything come to us through our strength and not chase after everything through our neurosis, then we begin to attract the best experiences possible

020

My ex and I have been able to do something rare and precious, but on that note I think this'll be the last time I call him my ex. We peeled away the layers of our once-was relationship and decided to maintain our incredible friendship. So instead of ex, instead of the old story, he's my friend. He knows me better than anyone else so I know that when I ask him for advice he'll either tell me "Yes! Go for it" or "You're a crazy person what is wrong with you." He gives me complete honesty. We met for lunch yesterday and I told him about a potential career opportunity and asked him what he thought. He said, "You are totally capable of this. You built a brand from the ground up and made it into something big." For a second I smiled, thinking wow whoever he's talking about man she's cool and then I realized he was talking about me. Me. I completely forgot that I built a brand from ground up. That from nothing I created something. From an idea I made an entire business. I've spent so much time and energy comparing myself (consciously and unconsciously) to others that I haven't taken enough time to see how far I've come. It's made me think about how much as humans we focus on our weaknesses instead of magnifying our strengths. And that's why it's important to have people in your life who love you and remind you how great you are when you might have forgotten, so that you can turn the telescope the other way and zoom in on how utterly amazing you are for getting this far. So maybe today or everyday we can make an effort to remind the people we love how amazing they are because in the hustle of life, it's possible they have forgotten

019

On Sunday we had a very tragic, sudden, and unexplainable death in our family. When I found out at 10:30pm Sunday evening, I hung up the phone, sat down quietly at my kitchen table and stared at the wall for 45 minutes. We have lost many people in our family too soon to drugs and because of their addictions you are almost always waiting for the call but this was totally different. She was healthy. I couldn't even cry because it just wasn't real. The reality of what happened didn't hit me until I got home to Baltimore so the last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, of ups and downs, of trying to make sense of it all. Yesterday was the first time I was alone as I rode the bus back to New York and I cried the whole way. My dad called me and told me the doctors came to the house and said they couldn't find a cause of death. Nothing was abnormal. He had to go and I couldn't be alone so I called J and he talked me through the whole thing. He let me share the tragedy of it all and just listened to me try to make sense of it. There was an older man in his late 60s sitting in front of me shaking his head and I felt embarrassed for sharing such tragic news outloud but I needed to talk to someone. When I got off the phone, he turned around and I fully expected him to scold me but instead he said, "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation and I wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I understand. My best friend just died on Friday." We talked the rest of the bus ride about life, about friendship, about music. He told me I looked like I could use a friend right now and he's there for me. @brenebrown once said, "The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too." You never know who is going through what, so just like Joe, we should always turn around and lend someone an ear, a hand, and our hearts

018

| When I was 16 I wanted to study literature at NYU for college. What a dream, I thought. I excelled in English classes at school, getting lost in every book, writing 5,10,15,20 page essays on my reflections faster than the professor gave the assignment. When I told my parents of my dream, they asked me "what are you going to do with a degree in literature?" At the time, I didn't have an answer so I settled for journalism at FIT. Settled. It's a funny word. When I couldn't find happiness in fashion I left because I thought I could find it in wellness. When I couldn't find it there, I thought, "well now I'm fucked." But then something very interesting happened as I began to mediate more - I started to move away from the dogma of wellness and towards the twinkling inspirations of creativity, feeling nostalgic for those creative days of the early years in NYC. I've been surrounding myself more and more with those who follow their souls longings. I've been meeting people who are doing what they love. I've been inspired by those who are creating outlets for their passions to be shared. @belletrist is my latest inspiration, curated by the absolutely lovely @emmaroberts + @kpreiss. A rotation of incredible books every month by phenomenal writers, I can't wait to dive into this months book, Marlena by @juliebuntin. I feel 16 again!! 💎 To everyone in my life who's following their dreams, your drive inspires and ignites me every single day and my goal is to let each and every one of you know that

017

That was the hardest workout I've done in a while and by no means do I mean physically. Every part of me had an excuse. My body wasn't feeling well due to a second round of antibiotics this month (one tooth infection, one spider bite, thank you April). My mind had every reason not to workout even though I had my gym clothes on since 6pm. My spirit has been numb since last night when my godmother called me in tears to share the news of a sudden death in our family. I even went to the gym, actually. I went to the gym and I got on the bike and I started peddling and just stared at the screen. After six minutes I stepped off and out and said I'll go for a run. The walk never turned into a run and I just sat in the laundromat and watched my clothes spin around in the dryer for 32 minutes. Not a single part of me wanted to workout until I remembered a sign I saw today while I sat in the park under a cherry blossom tree :: "Keep going." I think a lot about the difference between ordinary people and great people. The only difference is that greatness lies within the ability to overcome our own limitations. I remembered this as I put the timer on for 7 minutes, turned on Kodak Black really loud at 9:02pm and worked out harder than I imagined. It had nothing to do with working out and everything to do with the fact that I didn't want to. Throughout the day we're given countless of opportunities to turn "I can't" into "I can." That is the difference between ordinary and great: seizing those opportunities as they come

016

I can't remember the last time I felt as uninspired as I did for most of April. Holy f*ck. It was heavy, felt like I was being pulled backwards into a black hole and didn't know where I was going. Thank god for Sat Kriya and Kodak Black which kept me afloat. For the first time in the face of adversity I felt like I could actually keep it together thanks to the strengthening powers of the practice. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't inspired anymore. After asking for advice, Guru Jagat called me and said, "get off the social media." She reminded me that when we view the world through the lens of social media that comparison robs us of our own inherent creativity, what WE have to offer to the world. I didn't really think much of it and was totally tired of social media anyways so I was up for the challenge to take a break of the mindless scrolling. After 48 hours of that one little thing, I couldn't believe how it was ruling my life, dimming my creativity, and blocking my own creativity, so subtly I didn't even realize it. In any industry we work in we see how others create their lives, live their lives, and experience success, therefore we subconsciously create the construct that because we're in that industry, that's how we should be too. We do it without even realizing. As I logged off and just allowed myself to be more attentive to what I want to share with the world and how I want to share it, I realized my heart has ALWAYS been encouraging me to do it that way, I just wasn't following suit because I thought I had to be a certain way based on my chosen path. Inspire. In / Sprirare. Into breathe. Into the Breath of Life. c. 1300, "immediate influence of God or a god." Replace God with what you want. Soul. Universe. You. Immediate influence of your own Self is what it means to be inspired. When we spend the whole day scrolling and subconsciously comparing our lives to others, it takes away from our own inherent influence and flavor of what we're meant to do and HOW we're meant to do it. In order to endlessly create + inspire ourselves, we have to meet ourselves instead of running away from our Self.

015

In 2010 I stood on my kitchen counter and looked at all the pills in my cabinet. Lorazepam, Lexapro, Adderall, Ambien, Zoloft, just to name a few. One by one I picked them up and opened the cap and from the top of my counter I watched all the pills from each bottle cascade down into the garbage pail below. What a feat, I thought, to throw these all out after seven years on them. It was an accomplishment I was most proud of. But what most people don't know, as I tried very hard to hide it, was the depression, self-destruction, and misery that followed for five years after that. No yoga class, green juice, or healer could make it go away. The self-hatred and sadness was insurmountable, which I had to put down because I was a yoga teacher. I tried to hide it and I did for a very, very long time. Tonight I took a Kundalini class and felt perfect after. Smiling. Radiant. Laughing. Happy. I realized, after two years, I can remember I had those feeling and experiences and sadness and pain but I can no longer remember what it feels like in my body. I can relate. I can sympathize. I can pull out memories like a stray thread on a piece of clothing. But the feeling bad has been replaced with feeling good in a way I never imagined possible. This practice has given me that gift, the great, great gift of feeling good, something I'll never, ever take for granted.

014

"These streets took all my soul from me
Tried to leave me in the cold
These streets took my conscience from me
Now tough love is all I show."
- Future


I've been listening to this song a lot lately. I like to put it on really loud while I walk down the streets of New York. This year is my tenth year anniversary of my engagement to this city. I don't know if I'll ever marry it. It's one of those things where I'm one foot in and one foot out. But it's my city, imprinted like memory foam that has shaped me into who I am becoming. As to any creative, some bouts of feelings of lack of inspiration can creep in take over. When this happens, my tonic is to take very loud music and walk around. Tonight I was walking home from a party and I put my headphones on to this song picking up where it left off. This year has been a test. A test of faith. Of courage of strength. As I listened to the song, those very lyrics hit to my affair with New York. The pulsation of the city can steal your soul, can leave you in the cold. There's many times I felt like I wasn't going to make it. They can take your conscious, when you're surrounded by the most beautiful successful people on the planet. They can take your conscious when you slave away at your job. They can your conscious from you heartbreak after heartbreak. They can take your conscious when time moves faster here, friends move faster, passions move faster, loves move faster. But the end is what I like. 'Now tough love is all I show.' I thought, tough love. If I can make it here, if I can say I survived this concrete jungle, then absolutely nothing can get in my way. As I walked on, I caught a glimpse of myself in a window, smiled, and said, 'Try me.'

013

If I slow down enough, I sometimes have a moment to remember how I got here. It was 2009 and probably around 1am in the recording studios on the third floor at Collective Hardware. Sean Lennon and Kemp were recording some music with a few others, jamming away until the early hours of the morning. I was sitting on the couch, with a few drinks in me, when I noticed an older Korean man staring at me from the corner of my eye. He had on a fitted white t-shirt which held tightly to his very strong arms, denim jeans and combat boots. A fine Italian blazer was by his side. His hair was pulled back into a pony tail and he had side burns in a silver I had never seen before. He took a long drag of a cigarette as he looked at me with stern eyes. Moments later, he walked over to sit next to me and told me things about myself I had never told anyone in that room, in any of those rooms in that five floor building. Stunned, I turned to look at him to ask him how he knows all of that but before I could open my mouth, he smiled and said, “And you have to be happy, for no reason at all you have to be happy.” And then he got up and walked away and I couldn’t figure out if something was in my drink that took me to another planet. I later found out this was not just any man but Grandmaster Sung Baek, the 75th Grandmaster of the Dong Han Pa lineage. I eventually went on to study acupuncture with him but ironically, the teacher appeared before the student was ready. Someone recently called me a phony practitioner. In the past, I think it would have felt hurtful. My path the last seven years has for sure been challenging. There are far more disciplined people than I. There are many times when I’ve wanted to quit. To just give up. But I’m still here. I’m still trying to become the best version of myself I can be. Everyone’s practice looks different and everyone comes to this planet with different capacities but each of us has the opportunity to experience our greatness. For some, it may come easy. For others, it’s more of a challenge. But for all, the greatest practice is being able to get up, again and again, and keep moving forward to where you want to go.

012

I've been in New York for ten years and every part of me is tired. Every street is filled with more memories than people have in a lifetime. The come-and-go of this city will never cease to amaze me. One person in and then they're out. One friend in and then they're gone. One boyfriend/girlfriend in and then it's over. One job in and then it's done. Everything moves at the speed of lightening and we can't remember if we're hurt or sad or happy or angry or relieved or scared or afraid or excited. But every street is filled with a memory to take you right back to that moment where you realized that you loved something or hated something or miss something. The people who live in New York are a special breed. We are fighters. We are believers. We are hell bent on making it happen, whatever that it is and however long that it takes and wherever the winding, bumpy road takes us. We're still standing. I want everyone to feel proud about that. I have to remind myself to feel proud about that. If we can make it here, and by make it I mean still find a way to love, to laugh, to be open, to smile, to hope, to dream, to keep going, then I think we can make it anywhere. And by anywhere, I mean we can make it in our own hearts and minds to conquer anything.

011

On a cold night in February, Allison and I made our way into the packed Rose Bar for a friend's fashion week party. He just launched a new collection and was celebrating with a huge bash with a live performance by a rapper on the rise known as Saint Jhn. It's been years since I've been back in that scene and while I was fully expecting to be miserable and overwhelmed by the industry I left behind, something wild happened. I missed it. A lot. When I left the fashion industry for yoga seven years ago, I went through a renunciation period. I sold all my clothes. I stopped caring about menswear / fashion / the latest + greatest. I stopped going to events and parties. And I thought I was doing the right thing by trading that in for yoga, green juice, and lululemon. But what happened that night was I felt inspired. Peoples outfits inspired me. The performance, which we fucking incredible, reminded me of my love, and I mean love, for rap music and inspired me. The collection inspired me, making me miss my life in menswear. I couldn't remember feeling inspired like that. Good like that. Alive like that. Not having to do XYZ to get to that space except show up and be surrounded by creatives and creativity. I've been letting this marinate for a while, as I've spent the last few months rekindling my love for fashion and blasting Kodak Black, A$AP ROCKY, Saint Jhn, and Migos in my ears as I walk down the streets of New York. We're always under the influence of what we should do that rarely we tap in and remind ourselves what feels good. What inspires us. What lights us up. My mission statement has changed since that night : the practices of awareness are not meant to make you more aware of what a piece of sh*t you we are (aka not another way for us to feel bad about ourselves). They're meant to make us aware of what really lights us up and be fearless about pursuing that, no matter how different it looks that what we thought life would look like. So now if you excuse me, I'm heading back to Pinterest for more photos like this, cause it's just making me feel real good

009

In February my Teacher sent me an email saying I was not allowing to come back for one month. I was not allowed to respond to the email. I was not allowed to reach out. To meet your Teacher in this lifetime is one of the most treasured gifts. The bond is incomparable. They may feel nothing for you but you feel everything for them. Their job is to act like a hammer, chiseling away all of your insecurities, doubts, fears. It's by no means an easy process. I've left his office crying many times. I'm often so angry at him for reasons I can't even formulate and yet I have more respect for him than anyone on the planet. His approval is everything to me, which he knows, and thus he will not give it. He will challenge every insecurity of mine so I can conquer each one. While he can be hard, he has been there for me through some of the most challenging experiences in life, and helps me get through those that linger through the memories of traumas of childhood, long before we met. When I finally returned to his office, my directions were to take the trash out, clean, then go sit in the room and meditate. For two hours, I have to sit in this room. No mantra. No sound. No breath work. Just sit. I cried for two hours. I came out of the room red faced and puffy. "How was it?" He asked with a smirk. "Can't you tell I cried the whole time?" And for the first time in six years he gave me a high five. I learned how much we run away from ourselves. I learned it not in the way I read that in a book. I learned it by sitting with myself for two hours on that first day back and seeing what all the distractions have pushed down. The phone can distract me, food an distract me, meditations can distract me, mantras can distract me. But without going in and just feeling everything and letting ourselves process the pain, we don't let it ever settle. It's just a credit card bill that never gets paid. To be able to sit with ourselves is now my understanding of the first step of healing. Everything. It takes practice but with time, we can begin to demagnetize the imprints of memories that construct who we are and create a new layer, layer by layer, of who we want to be.

008

 l'm on day 8 which is a huge feat for me since day three is always my silent sniper. It's reminded me how much writing makes me feel good. It's reminds me that I have a gift. It's reminding me to focus on my strengths, the inherent strengths I have that require no effort on my part but to show up and allow them to express themselves. Too often, our weaknesses take the forefront. The parts of ourselves that we do heart wrenchingly want to change to feel better. The parts of ourselves we try to hide from the world. The parts of ourselves that rob us of our radiance. But what if we stopped focusing on our weaknesses and instead stopped to take in the fragrance of power that comes from honoring our gifts?